Chapter 19




ok. I;;n\[m mad.  So mad and drunk.  They sent the guy.  The guy that I called a pussy.  They also sent the girl i had asked out directly after the rape and all of this bull shit happened.  so yay situation weird.  
my second cigarette tonight. And the guy that caused my outburst several chapters before wants more.  As he waited with his girl friend to get to walk past me.  The first time in four years since Ive known the guy he walks past me as I lit my cigarette near midnight to enjoy a quiet night burn.  And here the flaccid weakness walks past me with I'm sure the best vagina as he talks to her the shit talk that he wants to talk to me. I quietly ignored his pussy return.  
I wonder how long he stood outside to be able to walk past me and talk at me with some cunt at his side.  ….
ok, That was a to drunk to write night.  Wiskey won.  I'm the decimal!  Now its early morning and it could be whiskey night because work is in the afternoon and burning the alcohol off is fairly a day a way.  I also didn't have to listen to the voices in my head all night when I'm comotosed.  Thanks whiskey.  
Were still not going to Costa Rica yet.  Were going to get into the heart of this issue.  The television just did a commercial for a video game.  The game is a game I play.  The commercial had a rap song in the back ground.  The rap song was about me being able to listen to it.  I don't buy his songs or seek radio out anymore to listen to his songs.  I want to not be crazy.  Rap songs invigorate me.  Not going to like the commercial makes me want to yell words out but I won't let them form in my head.  Because there are also psychic voyeurs that watch me rap in my head.  I'm crazy.  I'm schizophrenic.   Its condesding.  Am I supposed to call a radio station and yell at it?  Is the television really telling me what to do again.  When I acted out against the television when I was ten years old It ruined my life and distracted me from completing school correctly.   Can I please fit a career under my arm before I go chasing imaginary rap songs again?
So, that doctor is a problem.  The television.  The fact that this years super bowl had my brother in commercials.  My sisters feet in commercials.  My mother and father in commercials.  And every girl I have asked out this year or accidentally shown interest to, in commercials.  Note to self…..don't give girls attention or they will be put in commercials.
And I'm really really fucking horny.  Like grab your dick and run around the house naked screaming at your held cock horny.  And I have to go to work soon with these insolent sexy women that will tease me all day in their whispers never satisfying me.  Ladies at work today since you get to read the chapter as I write the chapter can we just calm down today and not get me in trouble.  And If the manager who is the servers manager, not my manager needs to be taken in her office I want to take her in her office and respectfully fuck the shit out of her.  With her paper work in my mouth and her sexy ass on her desk.  And I want to throw shit like her stapler and things in her drawers as I pound that, I'm imagining perfectly glistening sexy wet pussy.  Wear something nice today sexy!
Ok, lets calm down and not get in trouble a work today.  I still need to work today and I have to work with people opposed to not with people because the schedule changed.  And the boss put me on the line today.  And I'm a good boy and get to keep my job and I don't call people pussies at work.  And I work hard and hopefully make the restaurant respectful.  
Ok, a hot shower took care of that.  Morning wood is a serious epidemic and I hope sexy women every where are ready to cure it.  You hear that ladies?  We should start a movement to quell the raging hard on cock from its morning hugeness.  The shower this morning is followed by my voyeurs as they say they are "there"for me I pointed at my cock insinuating that they suck on it to be there for me.  I try not to talk out loud to my voyeurs in the shower.  There was another male in the community shared bathroom.
Every thing is calm.  I punch walls to resolve my anger.  The shower walls have been getting forearm shivers recently.  Todays forearm shiver has left me with a golf ball sized swell on my elbow.  Everything is  calm.  I have to schedule a meeting with housing still for calling the pussy a pussy still.  Its Sunday and the lovely ladies who I have a meeting with needs to be scheduled tomorrow and I plan to be attentive and supportive to the meeting.  As we can resolve this.  I feel this is so difficult to resolve this.  It has always been a flash light trick to me.  A dog smashes its nose against the wall chasing flash light light.  I do not need to get mad at the pussy and call him a pussy.  I have to some how explain that five years of being spoken at.  Five years of he knows my family members names and talks at me with advice he denies if I get near.  He's not the only one.  He's just the one I'm calling out.  I'm not physically threatening him.  So much as a slap in this far off miserable majestic wilderness will have me evicted from the government property as its under federal law.  Everything is calm.
I think NPR is here.  Yesterday with the walk home.  She saw my view.  My view is awesome.  My walk to work is the best.  Everything is calm today.