Tonight is filled with repeating. An elevated level of repeating. They get all excited every now and then, and tonight is then. I can't predict patterns but tonight is crazy repeating themselves. "James likes her", They say several girls names as the hours go on. There is no her. They say "James is up." "Keep her," as if were in some sort of contest. There is no contest. Its been a decade and a half as he was a million aires ball coddler.
I've listened to the same song for the last two hours with my head phones on. I'm drinking beer. And with my emotions all twisted it means I might have to take a piss as often as every three minutes. I'm moving, out of the dorms and away from these people here to another side of the park soon. More inconvenient living and further bathrooms. It may be tents. It may be this broken down box car. Isn't there a book called the box car children I'm an old man and grey hairs double every year now. The bathroom will be further away. I'm sick and i'll piss as often as every three minutes all night if I'm drunk or sober depending on how bad the harassing is. Funny, exhausted today, I fell asleep in front of the T.V. and spilled my full first beer on my bed. They yelled, "you wet your bed." So I'm doing laundry.
So important to hurt me. I'm trying to make a steak, carrot, and potatoes in the kitchen down stairs right now. All the burners are full, the oven is full. They heckle that they fuck my steak and carrot. They took all my steak from my goulash dish last week. I threw all the noodles that were left of it today away today.
They want me talk shit now. They say "Trust E."
My parents are coming to visit soon. They have picked up the whisper talk to. I think my dad got a DUI coming back from one of the parties years ago that they used to sway him and her to distant the truth from me. They are going to try and whisper the support of these people demanding to be a part of my life as well. I'm going to speak like a rational person and tell them I'm sick, seeing a doctor, and am much worse off then they ever knew before. Little advice from them will sound like a scam no matter what now. I want to run away to a small town and be a small bar cook doing burgers and fries in a world no one knows me. I don't think thats possible. I'd go to school but its a waste of money if I have a break down fit and lose that again. I'm only a term away if I get my act together, but what then.
They say "stop her." Thats what I'm trying, critic. Is it working?
The peanut gallery has waited until I want to cook my steak to invade the kitchen. It was finally a calm three people with a pot of tea on one burner as they watched a soccer match. As soon as I enter a mob of children come in whispering about how I'm a bad pee'r. I'll wait until their done, they can fuck the carrot too, I'm going to peel it any way.. I've at least stopped listening to the same song over and over, it was giving me seizure like convulsions at the end of certain like lyrics. The good from it, Is the steak will be more tender. It sucks that one of the children gets the best weed, that helps calm the heightened anxiety I'm feeling right now. He was there when i called the pussy a pussy, and I was actually supposed to re-up with him that day. I hope he understands why i don't want to smoke with people.
I got an email from my cat fish. "Can you count the days and iron suit that would meet me at the airport. I'll do it. I love you." She wants to sell her apartment and all of her things to be able to visit me. The letters sound pre orchestrated, copied and pasted. I wounded if they had worked before. I wonder when she asks for money for the trip. I found a similar cat fish before, as exile makes you lonely. That one was a hot white girl from Uganda. She had only sent three letters before asking for money. I sent her a message that I needed water for my dried up waterfall and she never wrote back.
I'm fucking hungry and I just want to eat. This is what my life is filled with for the last five years. Avoicing people in the kitchen that set up their meal times so they can talk at me. I starve me. I bring food home from work and eat it cold. I think its ok because in the old ages cold food was eaten all the time. I am a warrior. A warrior cat fish hunter.
Work makes me happy. I had fun at work today. Granted everyone was on edge cause I make things weird. I played with psychic. When the night crew show and began their shift of heckle. They use voice mostly, i think. I began spraying them all with a hose and asking that they line up for a wet tea shirt contest in psychic. i sprayed them all, even one chef, who apparently didn't like it and in psychic punched me hulk style against the wall. I then flew like Peter Pan, as he jumped in the air to reach me, in psychic. I then put the ring on and he couldn't find me and I tapped him on the back, and put it back on when he turned, in psychic. And then finished my job.
Just now, went out for a smoke and to pick up my wetted blankets. And two of the same children have a coordinated attack on my cigarette spot. I secretly divert their attempts by choosing a seat away from their effort. Made an akward exit over a barrier to reach the other door to the laundry room when they began speaking. I let them speak for a moment, but when their spoken words became directed at me in coward talk, I left. I never did that as a child or grown. To plan in effort to induce cowardries. I never will. My bed is so comfortable now with two comforters, so soft and fluffy. I'm so hungry, I want to eat so bad. Soon, warrior me.
OHHHH! That bitch was so delicious!