Chapter 30




Chapter 30
Shall we predict the day tomorrow.  Play Nostradamus for a moment.  How will the day go for me.  I'll wake up whiskey'd,  I'll waver my breakfast options.  End It with a red bull that gives me a nap.  I will listen to Youtube videos during, as the loading time goes in and out.  My second alarm clock will wake me up in time to make lunch for a bunch of people.  I'll try to clean myself up.  My ear hair is getting obnoxiously long.  I need Nare.  Not like buying it would embarase me anymore then I already am.  I need to order it online, the one store here in the far off beautiful miserable majestic wilderness doesn't sell it.  And my tufts of soft ear hair are reaching inches long.  
I learned of the Oxford comma today.  The serial comma.  I grew up using it.  I didn't just use it.  But using a normal comma, I was reminded of it.  And thought it funny the amount of grammatical errors that are already in this piece of shit writing.  As I don't want to re-read it.  I really want it to go away.  I want it never to have been.  Can we go back and make all these chapters never read.  Never written.  In fact never have needed to be written.
The day will be the same tomorrow.  I'll get over it.
I went out for my first of two cigarettes tonight and the rapist from 40 yards says I'm a shit writer.  I give a shit.  At least he knows I'm writing about it.  Would he rather I sat at his table in the middle of the court yard with the other people and drank with him.  Would he rather me be his bitch.  Would he rather want to make out with me.  Thats awesome.  I just imagined making out with this 60 year old man.  Or maybe we could 69.  Then I would be his "gimp."  I can think things like this now, I never did before.  
I would hurt this man.  I have an appointment with a counselor I have to explain my suicidal thoughts and the fact I said I had thought of murder because of him.  I have cast iron barbecue skewers.  I can hold them in my sleeves until I want them to drop to my hands.  I can throw them.  I can throw things well.  I think just one upper cut through his jaw and out his skull.  I want to stand on the picnic table and toe punt his head off.  I'm fast.  I can do this.  I win in a fight with this man.  I know when I cannot win in a fight against another.  I win in a fight against him.  
I'm making a cartoon for my sister in law.  It is a virtual christmas card.  I have a program on my computer to make cartoons.  If I could go back in life, it'd be what I did.  Play video games all day.  Its a cartoon of stick figures.  It will be about me and the grandpas and grandmas and my brother hanging out all day and playing waiting for my sister in law to come home and make us dinner because we are hungry.  It is called Where Is Dinner.  I have already made the first thirty seconds of it.  And it is awesome.  I miss my family.
To prove the voyeuring again.  The thirty seconds of cartoon I made on my computer is praised by the loud condescending voice when I go outside immediately after making it.  I understand this.  No one will explain this to me.  This makes me sick.  
Back to proving the day tomorrow.  I have to work with people.  I have to run the line at the restaurant.  Its the last of two days of my work week that I have to work with people.  I means they will try and harass me.  It means they will stand outside my food window and play pretend talk and noises.  They want me to respond in their same way, only to entertain them.  I would know these people.  I would spend time with these people.  But they support the negative in my life.  And if you support the negative in anything, you are the negative.  They are not fun to speak with.  This will happen all day.  They will speak of these writings.   Only at me and not to me.  They will make lots and lots of money in tips while I will work as fast and fast as I can to make the day over so I can go home and be away from it.  
This story does end.  I can only imagine how.  Kicked into a van and kidnapped?   A briefcase of apologetic money thrown at me?  They speak at me of it like its common knowledge.  These chapters I write used to not be publicly published to the internet.  Yet the people still spoke of them.  We will have real conversation people.  This entertainment for you will stop.  
It will be awesome.. Lets do it again.