Its my weekend. My voyeuring neighbors have picked up the harassment. They have new fuel. The whole point of me not associating with people is to not give my voyeurs fuel for harassment. Another day of being spoken at all day, I'm sick. I tried asking the community at Clash Of Clans but they are all children and won't respond to my questions. Why no one can help me resolve this as I just get more and more sick is beyond me.
I'm trying to move my stuff today. I need a truck. Just waiting for housing to let me use their truck.
Just saw a commercial for 1800 LAW HELP, I'm going to call about the case. I want to talk to someone about it. Not necessarily the delusions/voyeuring that may be to hard to explain and I may be hung up on. Why is this happening. What can they possibly get out of doing this to me. Its not entertaining, it can't be.
The critic says to "Just wait." I'm tired, I want to get healthy. Please stop.
I will try and pay my taxes today.
I walked to my new housing today. A bridge let me see two ducks floating down some rapids. A log was in their way and they had to get out to walk around it. The ducks are nice here. They will paddle past you when your fishing on a bank. They are fishing too. A row of ducks will paddle past you duck their head under water and then shake their heads to tell you there are no fish where you are as they paddle on.
New plan. I'm going to spread flour on the floor and catch the invisible woman. During my move, the truck that carried me to the new housing I'm assigned, I saw her, you. You are beautiful in person. You were with someone. I didn't see who, they were tall. You pulled their elbow close as we passed each other. I only saw you, I want to see you. Can I ask you out? I'm going to. Some time, some way. Tomorrow is my sunday and have the day free. I don't know if your day is free but I would take you on a picnic anytime you want and we can talk. I'm not sure what we can talk about. Can we talk about this? People don't want to date me, they want to be a part of the harassment. They are petty people I can't associate with. And I'm being driven crazy in social exile. They want to be a part of this entertainment of voyeuring me but refuse to give me natural communication. I don't want our date to be others entertainment. Jessica, I'm interested. When I'm interested in someone the same thing happens. I don't care if the same thing happens. I want what happens to end. And if it needs to happen with you then lets let it But whats happening to me can't happen forever and … thats it….I feel I'm a caged animal. Escape me. Help me get healthy. I would imagine you wouldn't be so easily swayed by the power that sways these people. Because you are the power itself.
The critic wants me to stay.
I got a new note from housing. Another meeting is needed regarding the explicative I called the pussy. I need to find my representation again. The companies version of a lawyer. If I don't and I show at the meeting they can twist words to evict me.
I'm watching a movie, 12 Years A Slave. I paused it for a smoke. The guy that can occasionally find me an anxiety medicine was in the bathroom and gave me a rehearsed "Whats up bro…" tossing his wet hair. It sounded practiced as if he's been waiting in front of the mirror to say this. Waiting for me to ask him for medicine. I don't want it from him, I let him go. I go outside, the laundry room is next to my smoking spot. The guy I called a pussy is pacing inside the laundry room and runs his hands through his hair as he readies himself to walk past me. I realize what is going on and stand taking steps toward a picnic table. I'm not ready to apologize to him yet. I will. Not now. Let me wait to make sure the community doesn't take any more advantage of me. Let me wait until the issue is resolved and I can keep my job and keep working on my career. I will apologize whether he and the people here admit their weakness or not. I will apologize. I'll apologize here and now, I'm sorry. but let me stay away from your scripted weakness until I can assure my future.