A Late night incident in the grocery store involving dogfood
Quite a few years ago, when I was single and happy, my best friend in the world was a 120lb dog named Spook. He was a Newfoundland/Shepherd mix, dumb as mud, loyal to a fault (If I jumped off a bridge, the next splash would be him) and just as sweet as a dog could be, everyone loved him and he loved everyone. He ended up with the name Spook, not becuase he was black, that would not be a good thing, but becuase I got him on Holoween when I was delivering flowers for a local garden center. His one big claim to fame was snatching Katherine Hepburn's walking stick out of her hand as she was walking up to my house (a whole another story).
So, one evening I was out at a local watering hole and stayed later than I had intended to. When I got home at about 2am and Spook met me at the door I could tell he was unhappy. He kept looking at the empty food bowl on the kitchen floor and back at me with a funny look in his eyes. Now, a 120 pound hungry male dog in the prime of his life is nothing to trifle with. I maintain dogs are higher on the food chain than humans. If we want to eat a dog, there is lots of prepwork that has to happen before it hits the plate. As far as the dog is concerned, we are pretty much good to go.
Fortunately, there was a 24 hour grocery store nearby, so off we went. I usually bought his food at a farm suppy store, feeding him was more like feeding livestock than a dog.
The store was almost deserted, one lone young femail cashier, and an older man stocking shelves, kind of eerie. I went to the dog food section and picked up a 50 bag of kibble. On my way to check out, I spotted a very large box of Captain Crunch, on sale. Now, munchies might have been involved, but I wanted what was in that box as much as Spook wanted what was in the bag slung over my shoulder.
So I proceed to the check out with my two items and put them on the counter. The bored young lady at the register kind of looked at me oddly. Now, I do not know where this stuff comes from, but I proceeded to explain to her that I had 6 children and what I do is feed the cereal to the dog and refill the Captain Crunch box with the kibble for the kids. Since they had never had the real Captain Crunch, they did not know the difference and I feed them for pennies a day. She took one look at me and realized I was pulling her leg, but what I had not noticed was the very well dressed middle aged woman who had come up behind me. I heard an audible gasp, followed by "that is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard and I am calling the police!". I turned around, and this woman had a look of disgust on her face like I had never seen before....kind of like she had just sat on something warm, wet, and squishy. I turned back to the cashier who was laughing so hard I thought I would have to go get paper towels.
So, the icing on the cake...I paid for my items, it was all the cashier could do to process the transaction, and grabbed the 50 pound bag of dog food and slung it over my shoulder where it prompty tore open and spewed kibble all over the place. The lady had mysteriously disappeared and the cashier was not laughing anymore. I gathered up what was left in the bag and slunk out of the store. Me and Spook had a nice kibble and Crunch dinner and I did not go back to that store for a very long time.
A few years later, I was in a restaurant, and a young lady came up to my table, took one look at me and said"dog food!" and started laughing...she told me she tells that story every chance she gets.