Two little girls, a dead mouse, and a pike pump.
This is good, very detailed, vivid, dramatic, and poignant. Your read is animated and it feels like kid's point of view, which makes it sweet. From the word bike pump on I am intrigued and want to hear more.
The only thing it lacks, in my opinion of many, is that a lacks a good final ending. The girls are crying, the mouse is dead, but how do you change? Do you as a child see death in a new way, or your friend, or mice any differently?
Scoring was great, it added a lot.
Thanks for writing and sharing this.
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