Christian and Ryan, January 1st 2006, gone but not forgotten,

it was the day them baby boys had to go home to be with God and now a cross marks their spot,

Along with The tear drops will never stop and the pain of feeling lost is constant,

 Thoughts inside hur mind rage as hur misery is as often,

She’s so beautiful, but she feels ugly as a monster,

and to this life she feels like, only an imposter,

She feels like God robbed hur,

No one ever wonders what it cost hur,

With Each day it gets harder and harder.

She can’t talk for the tears, now she’s drowning in the water 

From January to December,

so sincere,

 She breathes a breath into the cold air of hur lonely tears,

freezing hur thoughts of where does she go from here,

she breaks the mirrors,

so she don’t have to see the reflection as she appears,

She hates hurself the connection is lost and she has no more fear 


She Just..


she's gone she don’t want to come back,

Basking in the moments past,

she's sad and slowly slipping so fast..

at last,

the lights dim





She's going to the place, a place that’s far away from here.

No more joy since you’ve gone away,

She tries to reach you in hur sleep and she sleeps all  day,

she prays to God to keep you where she can see,

but she can’t see you when shes awake,

she wants  to come to where you are, she wants you to come back every single day,

Hur heart tears apart and she just slowly slips away,

with these thoughts of where you are It drives hur further insane,

no one could ever fill the space in hur heart that bares your two lil’ names.


Sometimes I hear hur pray:

God it’s so cold alone under this warm sun,

The one I used to think was so beautiful until you took the air out my lungs.

the two that used to give me so many hugs,

All my memories pass along with these lonely months,

the air I breathe is no longer fun to hunt for without those two lil’ boys having some,

It’s the pain of not knowing you would be going so young,

now rain replaces my days with  hoping for any kinda  fun.

I’m so mad at myself I can add to the pain,

but it’ll never bring them back,

I hate the sound of my own name,

cuz  It seems like only yesterday I just heard them laugh at that. “TABBIECAT”

when the tears come I just take a cat-nap and dream about the days you were here,

Shattered with the current thoughts are lost no way to dream without these tears,

So I slowly

Start to disappear,

I’m leaving and I don’t wanna come back,

Basking in the moments past, 

so sad since the moment last,

now Im mad at myself no laughs left and

 I’m slowly slippin’ so fast

At last

The lights dim



Just disappear,

I’m going to a place, a place far away from here......