Isaiah The Next Austin Powers Nemesis
my name is Ray Certified, i am a 50 year old husband and father of 4 from Hawthorne Ca. My Family and i are Jehovah Witnesses. There is my Wife of 30 yrs, Lonna, my oldest Caprice 22, my Nu who is 19, my first born son K-von 15 and my youngest C who is 12. All of them are 3 yrs apart. Thats how i came to meet Isaiah. Isaiah is a 12 year old young man from Inglewood CA. His Mother Ti, his younger brother Noah and his older brother Omar, had recently joined our congregation.
Ultimately i was assigned to study the bilbe with her two younger boys. Right away, these two young men were very zealous for God's word. Generally speaking, we do not allow newly associated ones to go out into the field ministry ( the door to door work) but Isaiah and his little brother were very eager and willing. So after a few months, they were allowed to go out with a group door to door.
Most merely observe, their first times out, but not Isaiah. The first time he and i went out, within about 4 or 5 doors he was asking " Can i do it"??? i would tell him, no son, not yet, you have to just watch and learn, to see how it's done first, he would say ok, all deflated. Now one thing i will say about these two boys is they are fearless!!! They had a real zeal for God's word, but Isaiah's fire burned way hotter than most. Still out on our first day, Isaiah makes his move.
Before i knew it, he had left me and Noah and had went directly to the next door in the complex and had started a conversation with the householder by himself. By the time i had walked over to them he was explaining to the household why you can not serve two God's. He then proceeds to take out his bible and says can you please read this scripture for me here at Matthew 6:24. i was impressed, to say the least.
After he was finished, we stepped away and i gave him a big congradulatory punch in the arm and said, Good Job young Buck!!! Over the next few months isaiah's knowledge, experience and confidence grew expeditiously. This leads us to the first of many good laughs i would have at isaiah's expense. It was a beautiful Sunday morning, the sun was shining, the birds where signing and everything was good.
And Then it Happened!!! Isaiah and i walked up to this appartment door. We take turns, so Isaiah was up next. He knocks once, nothing. He goes to knock a second time, but before he could, how can i expain this??? Ahh!!! It was like. Well lets see here. Um, ...there stood the most stunning woman i have ever seen in my life.
As we both went to pick up our jaws off the floor, i am pretty sure i heard her say "its not my fault boys, i was drawn this way"!!! If i had to give a description of her to the police, it would go something like this: she was 5 5-'ish, maybe about, A buck twenty, 25 to 30 yrs of age and She Was Fine!!!, Did i mention she was Fine??? Ohh, ok. She had on this silky black neglige, with matching black laced victoria secrets panties and bra.
Her body hit us both like a ton of Bricks!!! She opened the door and before we could even recover from all the jasmin and vianilla scented fragrances, her breast and thighs hit us again. it was like POW!!! POW!!! She was thick, but not too thick. She was that, Louisiana Cajun Redbone , French Quarter Fine. She had that whole Lisa Raye thing down pat!!!. Her eyes were this sultry light brown that was almost the same color as her skin. Her skin shined like it was someones job to polish it. Her hair, nails and toes were all whipped to creamy perfection. She looked like a "HOT" cup of caramel moca latte, on a easy Sunday morning...
So here we are and the moment of truth is upon us. We normally have a subject or a theme to discuss with the householder. a well thoughtout presentation, or a scripture to share. So what does the usually, fearless and composed Isaiah say. And i'm quoting here. " Maga-Magazine"!!! So she's all like "Oh is'nt that sweet" and kinda pinches him on his cheek. He hands her the magazine and we both immediately look for whatever little dignity we had and bolted for the stairs. So i quickly transform back into MR. Cool and we meet up with the rest of the group.
i am like you guys have to hear what just happen to us. i go on to say, isaiah goes up to this door and this Drop-Dead Gorgeous woman answers right. And guess what isaiah says??? i say in my best crackling adolescent voice Maga-Magazine!!!. I told them isaiah looked like he was doing the Funky Chicken. It was Hel-Ar-IOUS!!! The way his knees were knock'n and his arms and legs were wobbling . Not to mention the way he was waving that magazine in front of her. We all had a good laugh.
The thing that makes this all the more funny is, because Isaiah will do everything humanly possible "Not" to be the butt of a Joke" he gets super flustered. Thats always two times funnier than the joke. Unfortunately, A few months later Isaiah was jumped by 5 older boys at school. They even fractured his eye socket. Needless to say he was pretty bummed out by this. So we spent a few evenings just talking it through.
It was somewhat near Holloween and being that we do not celebrate hollidays, his mother told them to stay home from school. So we made arrangements to hang out that day. It was a pretty routine day. First we went to breakfast. Then he counted how many Throwback Jersey's and pairs of Jordan's i have in my collection. I spent most of the day teaching him how to be a LOOSER in Madden. See thats what i do, I teach....
It just so happens that we live directly next door to Isaiah's cousins. His Aunt and Uncle are Jasmin and Darian and his 3 cousins are Jaron 15, Ka-lan 13 and Leah 10. So later that day K-lan comes over and i say to him, yeah i just whoopted on your boy 174 to zip and immediately Isaiah goes into refuting it. Saying see i knew you were going to be say'n that stuff. So its about 5 pm and i have to go and feed my dogs.
I am a partner in a pet store and have a 30 run dog kennel, so i ask if they want to go with me and they both say yes. Because some of the dogs are big i only let them put the food in the bowls, but not actually feed the animals. So at some point isaiah picks up one of the bowls and gets some dog poop on his finger. So K-lan and i have a quick laugh and i tell him to go wash his hands.Then i ask both of them to go wait in the car.
i finish up and the minute i get into the car I say, you guys remember that fool Gold-Finger from Austin Powers??? They are all like Yeah, Yeah!!! i say well Isiah is going to be The Next Nemesis in the New Austin Powers movie, guess what his name is going to be??? K-lan says what??? I say DOOKIE FINGER!!!