In the fall of 1998 I was 27 and really working hard of getting my life together. You see before that time I was kind of wild child. But by Sept, I had quit sleeping around. Not drinking. Not taking drugs. I had a good job and I was thinking hard about grown up responsibilities.
Now I wanted a family some day but I was really NOT into kids. There was this little kids that lived across the hall from me by the name of Jeffery. Now Jeffrey was a cool kid . A cute little thing with a round face and little round glasses. I really didn't know him other than to say "hi" in the elevator or at the store. There was something about this kid though. He used to really freak me out. He just had this energy that felt really strange to me. He felt like my son.
At that time I didn't know what it felt like to have a son. I was single and childless. An avowed career woman. But there was something with this boy.
I started writing in my diary about him. How he felt like my child even though I had never spoken to him aside from saying hello.
At the same time I was talking to this guy Rob. Rob and I were just friends. He wanted to be a friend with benefits but I wasn't really doing that anymore. Nevertheless Rob would call me from time to time and we would talk.
September 9, 1998 I was sitting in my apartment when I first heard it. Blam. Silence. Then again blam, blam, blam, blam, blam. I didn't know what it was so I ignored it. It sounded like someone dropped a door out by the garbage bins. A few minutes later I hear all kinds of sirens and noise outside my apartment door. I didn't see anything through the peek hole so I slowly opened the door. An elderly neighbor is standing there so I asked her "what's going on?" "Somebody's dying!" she screams. I slam the door and walk back into my apartments.
I'm totally freaked and paseing the floor. I can't get my mom on the phone. I don't know who to call. I'm just totally wigged! When I open the door again Jeffrey's father is standing there and there are like 10 cops in the hall. Over the police radio I hear the report come in "DOA at the hospital-he's DOA at the hospital." Then the father starts wailing "I killed my son - oh my god I killed my son."
Now i'm TERRIFIED. I mean, this is a nice building in a nice part of town. I'm paying a lot of fucking rent and somebody just got kill. Jeffrey just got killed - BY HIS FATHER! WTF. Now i'm really freaking out!
I turn on the news and find out that a Queens man, in a fit of rage, has "reportedly" killed his entire family. The district attroney is standing in front of my building giving a press update.
Rob sees the story on the news and comes to my house. He calms me down. We talk. We kiss a little bit and start to make out. Things begin to get heated but I stop them before they go to far. My skirt gets hiked up and there's some rubbing around but I tell him he's got to go. Even in my shock and grief i'm still doing the right thing.
October 1, 1998. Life in my building has calmed down. Jeffrey's dad has been arrested. I'm a little under the weather butother than that everything is cool. At the insistence of a friend I take a home pregnancy test. I'm not worried about the results because I haven't been with a man in 8+ months. Blam-2 lines. Pregnant.
The only thought in my mind-Welcome back Jeffrey!