Worker's Remorse: Things Aren't Always As They Appear




I’m here telling this story because I was told to quit my day job and go out and be a comedian.

Ok, that’s not entirely true, I was fired. 

But have you ever begun working in a job and later felt worker remorse?

I did: I felt tricked, trapped, baited and bamboozled.  

Sometimes things aren’t always the way they appeared

 

8 years I worked for a nonprofit who felt I had too much humor and too much hope

The company was an oxymoron; it called itself Operation hope. 

It was more like Plantation Hope -   even a name can be deceiving.

I called it Operation Anything-but-hope; less hope, no hope,
Operation hype, nope, dope,

You see, I thought I was working for a company that gave people hope, not takes it away

They even tried to remove my funny bones.

But, thanks to my 1970 Afro-puff resilience; they didn’t succeed

I’m telling ya, things aren’t always as they appear

 

One day-Plantation-hope hired a new bozo as the boss; Roamy Rom

He was a big yellow-black guy with a high waist and square behind   
His shoes squeaked when walked and when he laughed he sounded like a chocking turkey (mimic).
He appeared to be happy-go-lucky, fun-loving and people-oriented;

But underneath all that red dye covering those few remaining locks; was a dark conniving scandalous insecure fat brown piece of porous excrement - An Evil Sponge Bob - See Things aren’t always as they appear.

 

So one day the boss Sponge Bob aka Roamy Roam became furious about a picture that some anonymous employee drew of him and hung it on the refrigerator door in the lunch room.   
(for the record, it wasn’t me) – but; it was a big-belly cigar smoking-nose-picking -Red-haired- gorilla wearing a checkered shirt, plaid suspenders white bow tie and spats.

Roamy sees me, goes into a rage - nose flaring and sweat flying everywhere; he points at me screaming: “Hey funny lady isn’t it time you just quit your day job, and go out and be a comedian!”

 

Whoa, whoa, whoa!  I said, “Slow your roll Ronald McDonald; so that’s how it works? I didn’t know, I didn’t know Roamy Rome.  Had I known, I wouldn’t be walking around on eggshells with your dodo stuck to the bottom of my shoes; and we wouldn’t be standing here staring at your double Magilla Gorilla [Laugh]. 

And that’s when I hear, “That’s it, you’re fired!”

I said, “Lord Jesus it’s a fire!” I was fired for having a sense of humor y’all! He had triggered my Blaxploitation alter ego Foxy Brown, Sheba Baby and Cleopatra Jones.  -   Even woke Omarosa up from the dead.

Now in the next 10 seconds I discovered that I had BTBD-Syndrome.  That stands for Beat-That-Behind-Disorder, As a Black woman, I know sometimes we can be intimidating.  We’ll just come into a workplace, take over and run things like we own it. But we can’t help it; it’s in our DNA. We’ve got generations of experience and it’s really not our fault! 

But when a sister is tuff and knows her stuff; she’s been on the job longer than anybody but everyone else get raises and promotions but her? And she fired because she adapted a sense of humor to deal with it….Watch out and get the hell out of the way!  She’s pissed!     There’s a protest going down and somebody’s about to open a can of magnum and I don’t mean 40 oz – I mean a Butt Whopping can of 5150!  
So I go back to my desk and my phone rings. “Hello – Gorilla and Jive Turkey Central, who you want to speak to? And you are? This is Mz. Brooks, first name Sonja - Origin is wisdom and means GOLDEN in Hindi; AKA Redd Sonja - that is capital R-E- double – D; capital S o-n and a ‘YA’ on the end …So who is you?   Well, well- Mr. –John CEO - Squidworth Hope, unless you got my money, I’m gonna have to get back with you tomorrow, cause I am busy and I ain’t got time for that!  ”CLICK!

All I’m saying is that when a sister is mad, she couldn’t give 2 cents if she was fired by the Donald; she don’t care.  You could be the Director of the CIA, FBI, the CEO of HBO - or the President of ATT or NAACP.  You could be da Pope of Hope;  She don’t care all she knows is that she is mad as hell and will kick your butt and pray for you all at the same time!   

By this time, I was so mad; I started looking for the President and the first lady, it would have been like “Oh…Excuse me Michelle Ms. first lady, but I’m gonna need you to scooch on over so I can talk to your husband, yes that right scooch...please.     Hello Mr. President, I know you busy trying to run a nation, manage crisis overseas, fix the economy, provide health care solutions for 48 million Americans;  But what are you doing  about these corporate chauvinistic jive turkeys in the workplace?  Cause right now I’ve got and a gorilla on my back and a turkey on my tail;  I am 2 tics 2 seconds and from snapping and these fools don’t know who they messing with.  DJango is about to let loose in this here plantation
…and we about to have a postal incident up in Oakland CA

Black women don’t wait around for other people to give us our props, we just take ‘em. 

‘That’s right. Cause, I know what I’m talking about.  You can’t tell me nothing about this place, you can’t tell me nothing.... cause I was here before everybody/ everybody/ don’t hate. (boop!)
‘Cause that’s how we do it, that’s how we roll! 

But I’m telling you looks are deceiving and things ain’t always what they appear.

Oh, I know what you are thinking …(Anglo voice) “See, there goes another angry middle-aged bitter black lady  blaming the man,”   No I’m not; you don’t see Star Jones standing here darling.  Besides I’d be a happy to be a Wend-free Williams right about now ….don’t hate… Some middle-aged black ladies got it going on; ‘How You Doing?’ (boop!)

But I am telling you that looks are deceiving and things aren’t always what they appear.I mean look at me… only a few years ago I started out as a shy 20 year-old, ‘hello Kitty’ happy Asian girl, thank you bye
This is just what happens to you after 8 years working like a underpaid slave.  But I guess some of you wouldn’t know anything about that!  You try working on a plantation 6 and 7 years and see if you don’t turn into a middle age angry black woman.  And if this sounds like you, protest and quit your job today!

I tell you, looks are deceiving - things are always what they appear.  And so is working for a nonprofit; it’s over rated!  

In the end, I am glad that I got fired from my day job at Plantation Hope.  Now I am free to focus on my new career as a writer, comedian and actres.  Look for my first book will be out soon. It’s a memoir - titled “8 Years a Slave.”

At the end of the day, you know what I got from this whole experience? Bigger hope and a Greater sense of humor Baby!

So Three tips I want to leave you with:

1- Don’t be afraid to Stand up for yourself, honey
2- (Remember) Things aren’t always what they appear
3- If they try to take your dignity; use your sense of humor and write a rap about it like I did -   

Here is my rap therapy to keep from going postal:

(RAP)

 He was fake and phony/ his name is Roamy,  a clown with suspenders - he wasn’t my homey, 

Full of baloney/ with no back bony /  tiny little balls/ he tried to ride my pony/

You give up years of your life/  make them look good -but you get strife / …..

You work hard and long -every day/ but in the end –you’ll get no raise

You have experience and you’re trained/ they bait you with lies, and treat you lame

Smart, intelligent, they’re intimidated/ Haters in the end, ‘cause they can’t duplicate it

He was……. fake and phony - a red clown - named Roamy rom-e,

Wore suspenders - he wasn’t - my homey,

Tiny balls and - no back bony/  

The Company was - fake and phony,

Stealing hope -   try to ride my pony

But I told them that   -you don’t own me,

And Momma said - you cannot clone me

Tell your boss that he’s so fake and phony:

Get off your back and off your pony,

Tell them that their full of baloney,

So they better just call Tyroney

I’m Redd (Double D) Sonja – (Capital) S-o-n with a ‘YA’ on the end keeping it real. Peace!  2014©